Normalizing Voices of Anger, Fear, Uncertainty, and Sorrow in Perinatal Settings
Elizabeth Goeke, MDiv, and Hannah Fish, St. MSW, LCSW, Elizabeth's Medical Center, Brighton, MA
In the United States, the predominant normalized messages around pregnancy are ones of happiness, joy, and blessing, which can marginalize those families who experience pregnancy as a time filled with fear, uncertainty, anger, or sorrow. There has been growth especially via social media of voices representing those who have lived the reality of miscarriage or stillbirth (#ihadamiscarriage, #ihadastillbirth), birth trauma (#birthtrauma), racism (#blackbirthmatters), medical diagnoses incompatible with survival (#highriskpregnancy, #maternalfetalmedicine, #prenataldiagnosis), maternal health conditions (#gestinationaldiabetes), among others. However, the predominant social message is filled with gender reveal parties, curating the perfect nursery decorating scheme, and statements of how blessed a couple is.
In the perinatal setting, St. Elizabeth’s Medical Center has worked to develop spaces to explicitly turned towards our individuals and families who either are currently or have in the past experiencing emotions that others might label as “negative” around pregnancy, birth, and early infant experiences. Through the work of nursing, spiritual care, and social work, individuals and families are offered both larger and smaller settings to share their emotions. The broader formal communal spaces to gather together and voice their feelings about loss include an annual remembrance service as well as acknowledgement of the annual International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. On a more individual scale, we provide one on one opportunities to grieve, vent anger, express uncertainty, and share sorrow. Individuals and families are provided resources to normalize whatever they are feeling and are encouraged to express their true selves. For many, simply acknowledging their emotions, validating the reality of their situation, and being a listening presence is enough. A cornerstone of the work has been the normalization of feelings of fear, sorrow, anger, and uncertainty by citing where they are also found in the diverse religious scriptural traditions; sharing works of art, poetry, literature reflecting similar situations to what the individual or family is experiencing; and explicitly imparting social media hashtags to reduce the isolation that many feel.
For the family expressing both joy and fear in the middle of a pregnancy after a difficult loss, for the woman who finds herself unexpectedly pregnant in the middle of a bitter divorce, for the dad who doesn’t know how to wrap his head around the unexpected death of his wife only days after the birth of their first child, we attempt to be the place where they can share and be seen in the space they current inhabit. Existing as a place where both joy and sorrow, hurt and happiness, fear and hope exist allows those we serve to bring coherence to the reality of their perinatal experiences.
In the perinatal setting, St. Elizabeth’s Medical Center has worked to develop spaces to explicitly turned towards our individuals and families who either are currently or have in the past experiencing emotions that others might label as “negative” around pregnancy, birth, and early infant experiences. Through the work of nursing, spiritual care, and social work, individuals and families are offered both larger and smaller settings to share their emotions. The broader formal communal spaces to gather together and voice their feelings about loss include an annual remembrance service as well as acknowledgement of the annual International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. On a more individual scale, we provide one on one opportunities to grieve, vent anger, express uncertainty, and share sorrow. Individuals and families are provided resources to normalize whatever they are feeling and are encouraged to express their true selves. For many, simply acknowledging their emotions, validating the reality of their situation, and being a listening presence is enough. A cornerstone of the work has been the normalization of feelings of fear, sorrow, anger, and uncertainty by citing where they are also found in the diverse religious scriptural traditions; sharing works of art, poetry, literature reflecting similar situations to what the individual or family is experiencing; and explicitly imparting social media hashtags to reduce the isolation that many feel.
For the family expressing both joy and fear in the middle of a pregnancy after a difficult loss, for the woman who finds herself unexpectedly pregnant in the middle of a bitter divorce, for the dad who doesn’t know how to wrap his head around the unexpected death of his wife only days after the birth of their first child, we attempt to be the place where they can share and be seen in the space they current inhabit. Existing as a place where both joy and sorrow, hurt and happiness, fear and hope exist allows those we serve to bring coherence to the reality of their perinatal experiences.